Hackmass

Twas the night before Hackmass, when all through the space
Not a LED was lit, not even the shrine to Jonty's face.
The components were arranged in their drawers with care,
In hopes that St Jonty soon would be there.

The hackers were nestled all snug on the dong,
While visions of command lines danced in their heads.
And t0m in his cycle shorts, and I wide awake,
Had just settled our brains for a full night of Quake.

When out in the carpark there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sofa to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I pranced like a flash,
Tore open the fire escape after having a slash.

The overground train on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of fluorescent light to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a fearless bearded hacker, so toight and jaunty,
I knew in a moment it must be St Jonty.
More rapid than fibre his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and pinged, and called them by name!

"Now Russ! Now, roberthl! now, oni and Caitlin!
On, Jasper! On, Mark! on, on b3cft and aden!
To the top of the balcony! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As rubbish from the skip that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, sudo mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Gadgets, and St Jonty too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The typing and clicking of each little goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the lift St Jonty came with a bound.

He was dressed all in a toight tee, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle from Farnell he had flung on his back,
And he looked like hayward, just opening his sack.

His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His wide grinning mouth was wide like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The neck of a beer bottle he held tight in his teeth,
And the brew encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the cups, with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the side of doorbot,
With a flick of his wrist, the door flew open with a shot!

He sprang to his server, to his team gave a ping,
And away they all flew, their mobiles all a-ring.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he flew out of sight,
"Happy Hackmass to all, and to all a good-night!"

Sol x